By: A Fellow Young Adult

There are thousands upon thousands of books written about parenting, each claiming to have the secret to raising successful and happy children. These books and articles are sold to parents for parents. But, what about a list that is catered to the kid, from someone remarkably close to being that age? Below, I offer a list equally for the parent and child, balancing the experiences of childhood and adulthood. Here are my suggestions to a happy and thriving young adult:

Allow Them to Explore 

You have to let your kids try! It’s the only way they can discover what they enjoy.

At 13 years old, I realized that I loved to cook, so I did a google search for cooking schools. Almost four years later, I was working part-time at the cooking school as the executive chef instructor, both teaching the classes and teaching other instructors how to teach the classes. This success story only came after years of failed dance classes, a chess club, five triathlons, two instruments, and a string of musicals. But my parents kept letting me try. They did not stop signing me up. The best way to help your kid figure out what they like is to let them try and hate it. But you have to be willing to take the ride with them!

Push Them Toward Uncomfortable Growth 

It’s not just about giving your kids the opportunity to explore. It is also about pushing them to do things they maybe would not have tried. 

Amid the triathlons, instruments, and clubs, I grew exponentially because, in all those moments, I was challenged to either sink or swim, literally. Sometimes, I failed. No, I failed a lot. Nonetheless, they kept encouraging and reminding me that I was more than my failure. For your student, this means signing them up for challenging math courses, sending them to financial literacy camps (shameless plug), pushing for diversity in their classes, or anything that forces them to be scared or awkward. Why? Because on the other side of that uncomfortable moment is an experience that will help them handle other challenging moments. On the other side of that experience is growth.

Try to Model Good Behavior 

Modeling good behavior is easier said than done, but what is parenting if not being your child’s closest role model?

There are so many behaviors that I do that originated with my parents. When I give my friends a ride home, I will wait until I see them walk inside. Whenever I am out with my brother, he always opens the door for me. Some of these behaviors come from years of nagging and teaching, but the behaviors that I do when my parents aren’t around are those that they modeled. They stuck because they were consistent and implicit. When you model good behaviors, you get that much closer to making that behavior stick.  

Let Them Practice Decision Making

As your kids get older, let them make decisions. Not only does it allow them to practice, but it allows you to practice loosening the reins. 

Before I went to college, I had to ask to use the restroom. Only months later, I had to decide what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go to school, and how to pay for it. Even simple decisions like how to get from A to B felt complicated and overwhelming. Especially during your kid’s high school years, it is crucial to give them space to make decisions. Think of it as a trial run. First, this is the best way to monitor the types of decisions they make. Here is the time to correct if they start to move in the wrong direction. Second, you get to practice being a different type of parent, the parent of a young adult rather than a young child.

Communicate with Understand in Mind

The highest form of respect is understanding. Talk to your kids like you want to understand them, not like you want to lecture them. 

Think about the last time your parents lectured you. How much do you remember? How much did you internalize? Chances are little to none. The most transformative conversations, whether it’s with your kid, spouse, or parent, are those founded on respect and understanding. Active listening is the best way to show your kids that you want to understand and respect them. Do it enough, and they will start to offer that respect back not just to you but to everyone. Successful adults can have productive conversations based on these principles. The best way to ensure conversational skills translate to your kid is to make it fundamental to your relationship with them.

I’ve worked hard to make sure I am happy and successful, but my parents have worked harder. They tried their best to support me, give me space to try new things, challenge me, and understand me. No matter what you do, at the center of your parenting should be an intention to love and support them. But the intention to love them is not enough. You have to actively show them, so that they know it, feel it, and carry it to their children.

Happy Parenting!