In life, it is inevitable that we encounter situations that make us feel less confident than we are. Whether it’s dealing with a difficult person or addressing an uncomfortable issue, learning to be confrontational is an important skill that can make it easier to navigate through life’s challenges.

The summer before I started college was likely the most exciting three months of my life. There was so much anticipation surrounding my freshman year that I could not wait to get it started. During this time, I was deeply researching everything I could about my new school, Georgia State University. I was intent on having a perfect college experience. One of the things I was most excited about was my future roommate. I had heard so many first roommate horror stories over the years, and I was determined not to become one of them. After weeks and weeks of searching, I finally met a girl named Annabelle. Once we had decided we were a perfect match for each other, we planned to share a dorm room with just the two of us. Little did we know, GSU had other plans for us. Instead of getting a dorm with two rooms, one bed in each, we were given a dorm with two rooms, two beds in each. This meant that Annabelle and I had to share a 100 square foot room while two strangers shared the second room right next to us. Four girls sharing one bathroom was a recipe for disaster. Understandably, we were a bit nervous about this arrangement at first, however we decided to be optimistic and treat this as a way to make more friends. Spoiler alert: we made enemies, not friends.

Our entire first semester of college was spent at war with one of our suite-mates, Riley. We quickly discovered that Riley had an inability to ask before she borrowed things. She ate food from our fridge, used our toiletries, and “borrowed” our socks. In the night we would be woken up by music blasting in the next room and the sound of rowdy conversation. Annabelle and I, being the non-confrontational people we were, didn’t say anything to her about it. Secretly, we hoped the problem would take care of itself and we wouldn’t have to deal with it. Unfortunately, nothing improved. Taking the time to establish boundaries at the start of move in would have been the smart thing to do. We didn’t let our other roommates know what kinds of things made us uncomfortable. Before long, Riley made the decision to bring a 4-month-old pitbull into our tiny dorm without letting the rest of us know. She claimed her puppy was a service animal and our building managers believed her. So for the next three months we were forced to live with a dog that was not potty trained and was unable to leave the room during the day. As you can imagine, the little pitbull did not enjoy staying cooped up in our tiny dorm all day. He showed his frustration in the only way a dog can: by using the bathroom all over the room and tearing up everyone’s trash. One day, after coming home to laundry all over the floor in the entryway, I decided I’d had enough. I was tired of being afraid of having that awkward conversation and realized that a little bit of tension was better than being walked all over. Finally, I called a roommate meeting, and I made sure we all understood that each of us deserved to be treated with respect because we all shared the same space.

From this experience I learned that no one’s going to know what you want unless you tell them. If you don’t address the problem right away, it’ll only grow into a bigger issue down the road. Confrontation may be a little awkward and scary but it’s necessary in order to foster healthy relationships. My freshman year may not have been the perfect, movie-like experience I was hoping for, but I grew into a more mature and confident person as a result.